all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
