Don't make out with my wife yet
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We don't watch enough power rangers
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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