This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
