i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
