I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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