Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
