why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
