I wish life had little blips of pornography
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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