The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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