And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
