You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
