Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
home. puking in laundry basket.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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