Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
