Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
