I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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