ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
