I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
