I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
