wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
