she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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