I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
