Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
