I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
