If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
