Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
