Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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