Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
