It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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