Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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