i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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