I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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