all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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