Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
