I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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