im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
