You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
