2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I have demons in me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
