Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
