Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
