my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
