i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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