So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
