We're like a lot better than the average bears
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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