3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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