im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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