Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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