My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
