I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You took a bar mat shot.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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