Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
