White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
